The Paranormal Blog

"It's amazing what people's imaginations can do."

...and with those words above, on this past Hallowe'en morning, CBC Metro Morning (Toronto) host, Matt Galloway, did what I would expect... dismissed ghostly experiences as little more than the hallucinations or fantasies of people's deluded minds... and I have zero doubt that he's content with the absolute correctness of this statement.

It was the literal tag end of an interview with our friend, Richard Fiennes-Clinton of Muddy York Tours who does ghost tours of Toronto.  Richard did a great job of promoting his tours as history first (which they are,) and for educating people on Toronto's legitimate dark history... but then, talked about some folk's reported sightings... to which Mr. Galloway replied...

"It's amazing what people's imaginations can do."

...and then ended the interview rapidly before Richard could answer that statement if he so desired... which he probably wouldn't have for expedience's sake.

I have, as stated, no doubt that Mr. Galloway's world views feel that this, the paranormal, is all bunk... because I like and appreciate his program and it seems to be my lot to appreciate those who probably wouldn't appreciate my works. 

The sad truth for me is that probably 90% of the media and cultural personalities I enjoy would probably think, if they knew me, that I'm a complete and total nutter... or, at best, naive... at worst, a fraud. (That last one always amuses me when I hear it as I make exactly NO money from this study.)

It does seem that a reasonable amount (not all, but a goodly amount,) of intellectuals knee-jerk to the idea that all or any paranormal stuff is outrageous nonsense propagated by criminals or stupid people because science says so, after all.

...but as readers of this blog (and my work,) know very well, science does not "say" anything. Without empirical evidence to support OR refute a hypothesis, scientists *should* remain mute... unless they have an axe to grind or a stance to promote.

None-the-less, they've heard people they feel are brilliant say it's bunk, so it must be bunk... and also, let's face it, the idea of ghosts is a little... well... out there.

I hear this constantly... and I notice that in the eyes of people I did respect, my standing slips a little when I say I do believe in ghostly experiences... unless, of course, they let me tell them why without immediately slamming up a wall of intolerance to hypothesis...

I ask three simple questions...

#1: "Do you believe that some of the people that say they experience these things feel that they actually did experience them?"

Most people answer yes...

#2: "Do you believe weird things, not traditional ghosts in your view, but anything 'odd' or seemingly unexplainable happen?"

When someone answers "No." to this, I walk away... because that is incurably ignorant.  Of course "weird things" happen.  Sure, they may defy explanation at the moment and time will bring about an answer as to what caused them or how, but at *this* time, they remain unexplained.  Those that answer "Yes" get to the third question...

#3: "Taking away any of the hypothesis for what causes them, (such as the 'DPH' or 'Dead Person Hypothesis' - that ghosts are the remnants of a living person post mortem, or 'psi' -  the idea that ghostly things are literally physical external manifestations from our own minds using potentially some sort of latent psychical abilities,) do you believe it's possible that the experients of ghostly things are indeed experiencing 'something' and therefore, perhaps, it's okay to look into those experiences and try to figure them out... if for no other reason, to either find the natural explanation or put the witness' mind at ease as to what they experienced?"

Most people say "Yes" or a variation at this question...  in fact, the worst I've ever heard is that a person wouldn't waste "their time" with this pursuit, but I asked them if it bothered them if I spent my time doing so... no real answer to that one.

So, ghost studies aren't stupid... or the realm of idiots...

...but like I said, I do get it... I do understand why it's "Intellectually Chic" to crap all over the idea of things paranormal... look at the giggle factor.

I mean, the four interviews I did this Halloween (none of which went public without tweaking and editing to play up the "SPOOKY BOO!" nonsense for Halloween,) all contained questions from the reporters about the "Paranormal Activity" movies, the known hoax of Amittyville, or general reality-ish television ghost hunting... none of which even come close to what we do... but hey, the media needs this crud... and after all, there's a plethora of wanna-be cosplaying fame-seekers who will hapilly play up that nonsense... not to mention the thrill seekers that desperately want what they see in those movies or on teevee to be real... to the point, more often than not, that they'll clumsilly re-enact and re-create it... regardless of the authenticity of the moment.

I even heard another CBC radio program which is part scripted comed/story-telling, part semi-documentary interviewing a person in the paranormal business where the engineers hapilly began piping in dumb moan-like droning hum during the interview, dramatically cutting off the call as if done by "other-worldly" forces, calling back (touch-tone starting with the infamous 555 according to the sound of the dialing... in case anyone mistook it for a legitimate disconnect,) and generally making the fellow look a bit... well... weak.  The humour for me is when this paranormal business person said that one of the bigger problems in the field of ghosts is that it's not taken seriously.

Think about that... and where it was said... and when.

No wonder the media and popular culture have a completely correct and unwavering belief as to what "we're" all about?

...and after all, aren't "we" all the same?  I mean, we must be... just ask those reporters... and indeed, many of the media and cultural personalities I enjoy.

I mean, just ask... The Society for Psychical Research?  A bunch of proto-Victorians doing cheeseball 1930's-60's movie-style seances, no doubt... The Parapsychological Association?  Well, we all know Egon Spengler from the 'Ghostbusters' who collected spores, moulds, and fungus... The Koestler Unit of The University of Edinburgh? An interest course for bored students looking to kill time... PSICAN and indeed Torontoghosts/Ontarioghosts as well as ParaResearchers?  Ghost hunters.  Just like those plumbers on television.

Years ago, I posed this question to a young reporter, straight out of university who commented that I, and I quote, "seemed intelligent" so couldn't figure out why I'd be interested in these things.  I asked, "Do you believe that every witness who claims they've seen a ghost is lying or wrong?"

"Yes!", came a laughing answer, as if the answer was posted on a large sign over their head... like asking them, "Would you like to win a lottery?"... or like asking a devout Christian in a Baptist church if they believed in God... but I'll get back to that last one.

Yup, why read?  Why study?  Why have facts and data?  Why bother looking into these people?  Just mock them and move on, please... unless it's prudent for business not to... but we can always return to mock them later.

The idea to some that people are looking into the experiences without prejudice and with as much neutrality as possible astounds them... and the concept of someone experiencing (for real) this sort of stuff???  So, why change a world view?  Res ipsa loquitor, after all.

Back to believing in God... since this is more an opinion piece, allow me to be quite honest with all of you... I am, unabadeshadly, an agnostic... not a "soft atheist" as I've been called, but more a possibilian than anything else. (That is, I will identify as a "possibilian" until some moron attaches more dogma to that title, above and beyond "accepting and respecting without adopting" roots... and no doubt, some idiot eventually will.) but I do strongly believe that the world of the spiritual and philosophical should be kept out of my government and out of the schools... and in the hands of, if anything, parents and clergy and that the laws of the land should be dictated by vox populi mixed with human empathies.  I do not subscribe to any dogmatic beliefs, but see the good and the bad in all philosophies and religions.  If you disagree with me, that's fine... as I am not 'militant' or 'evangelical' in my views, but I felt I should be forthcoming.

This said, the same media and cultural personalities I enjoy contain more than a few knee-jerk atheists... people that openly poo-poo the church and all aspects of it.

Many, however, love to quote Ghandi... and The Dalai Lama... because, I assume, they don't count.

They also made a recent Christian minister a minor internet celebrity when his impassioned speech to a city council in the United States was "YouTubed"... He started off with a condemnation of same-sex marriage and rights and cited pseudo-bible pseudo-quotes and all about what gay rights would be... basically an afrontation to God etc. etc... and then, without skipping a beat, exchanged the words "gay rights" for "desegregation" and ended his speech pointing out that, indeed, the advocates against gay rights not only sound like, but are almost word-for-word duplicating the hatred and stupidity of the bigots against people of different skin colours actually being in the same place together.  The minister, as it turns out, was obviously (and brilliantly) all for the rights of LGBT community... and was rightly applauded....

...and the chorus went up, "What a good man!"

...but all Christian ministers are evil, right?  All people that believe in a God are deluded or stupid, correct?

"Yeah, but NOT HIM!"

It's reminiscent of the old, "Well, I hate... (fill in the blank here with the race, creed, culture, philosophical, or person of  faith of your choice,) but he's not like  (fill in the blank here with the race, creed, culture, philosophical, or person of  faith of your choice,) so he's okay!"

Yup, right up there with "Some of my best friends are..."

To toss in that fellow (and the plethora of others like him,) with the Westboro Baptist Church (which we all know is a bit of a scam, right?) types is akin to suggesting that any Russian politician in history is effectively Stalinist.

So, apparently, it IS potentially possible to have a good message and be stupid and believe in a God, I guess. (...again, excluding the idea that the oft quoted Ghandi and Dalai Lama had/have any faith... they always get a pass with the overtly atheist.)

It's also, looking at recent events involving Rebecca Watson and Richard Dawkins (and no, I don't have a horse in this race... it's all pretty sordid and stupid... all of it...) one can surmise that no matter who you side with in this situation, you can have a good message... and be a complete idiot... even as an atheist.

People LOVE to try and pigeonhole the faith of Albert Einstein... which has led to dueling diary entries, letters, and even falsified quotations... but I'll give you the straight poop.

Einstein had a faith... in the universe.  Anyone who's had any sort of epiphany in terms of our universe has had at least some sort of spiritual-feeling experience.  He had dogmas, but I don't think he put too much stock in them... as his sense of God was, in his own actual words, his sense of wonder of the universe.

Einstein would most likely not have leapt onto the evangelical atheist bandwagon as it had little relevance to his own body of work... any more than Jocelyn Bell Burnell's faith has any intricate meaning to her discover of pulsars.

Are there bad religious people?  Yes.

Are they all bad?  Obviously not.

Are there bad atheists?  Yes.

Are they all bad?  No.... but again, I could understand some people's perceptions.  Depending on "whom" you look at, one COULD think that the evangelical atheists or those that may (or may not) have issues with women and cast disparaging comments et al... but we know they're not all the same...

...but us 'ghost people' are, right?

"Tolerance for me, not for thee..."

I could now truck out names like Radin, Sheldrake, Jahn, Colvin... and a host of others who are making waves (legitimately) in psychical research on a legitimate level that most people would be astonished by...

...but it wouldn't matter... despite their findings which are published and reviewed, they don't exist, I'm certain of it... After all, "It's amazing what people's imaginations can do."

I wish I could find a way to put it to those people... to say to them, "Judging the world of paranormal research and investigation based on reality-ish television shows, fictional movies, or what well-oiled machines (like JREF and CSI/CFI,) say about the topic is the absolute equivalent of thinking that Sarah Palin, Dame Edna Everage, and Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority speak for all women everywhere."

...okay, that might be hyperbolic, but the situation remains the same.

It would be nice, however, if they could just notice one thing... and that is intelligent, sane, normal people have weird experiences... that they sometimes would like to know more about other than knee-jerking to a particular non-answer... and these people are not stupid, not insane, and believe it or not, not being unscientific.  I'm certain their imaginations are indeed capable of things... but what might happen instead of dismissing them in a self-righteous moment of desperately trying to look more intelligent than they are, you stopped and said, "What if...?"

Apparently, as the words "We Don't Know" are an anathema to some sceptics, "What if..?" cannot exist with those who know more than us gullible types... after all, we're all imagining things anyway...

...and how awful it has been, throughout history, when people looked into and tried to find the truths of those things "imagined".

I suppose I'll have to live with it... that many of my media and cultural personalities... indeed, even some of the people of the intelligencia... I like will need to be intolerant of things.  After all, they can't look like fools... like us...

...like me.

One last note...

I've known FAR more self-described sceptics (again, not really 'sceptics' as scepticism implies doubt, not denial and absolute non-belief,) who have changed their minds on things after an experience either of their own or someone they trust... not that they accepted that "dead people" are all around them... but that weird stuff happens and can be experience and SEEMINGLY defies logical explanation... then I know people who originally and legitimately believed or had experiences that became absolute non-believers.

Something to consider...

At this time of year, Hallowe'en season, or as certain people mistakenly title it, "ghost season", for many of us, it's undeniably easy to get into ranting... and, like clockwork, the worst and most questionable 'ghost hunters' (et al) of the lot have found their way to television cameras or newspapers or are rather desperately leaping up in the air to grab the media's attention like a lonely Jack Russell terrier in a front bay window of a home at the sign that their masters might be returning... and therefore, the offal of this study is now trickling out into the collective conscious of society...

I did write a three page rant that was going to be published (despite saying the marvellous list below was "it" until after Hallowe'en,) instead of this a couple of days back which was laced with invectives, named-names, and contained more than a little rather adult language... but I deleted it.

Why? Because THANKFULLY cooler heads prevailed (Sue rightly stopped me,) and because although I loath media at the best of times, this time of year they being particular egregious to me, I am now doing two interviews because they are places and topics near and dear to me... and one, already concluded, reminded me of why this study is worth the high blood pressure and legitimate anger at the faux authorities and false "historians" busily peddling their wares...

Via Wikipedia/Wikicommons

A long while back, I received an e-mail from someone who was visiting Old Fort York in Toronto.

Historic Fort York is easily the most commonly "reported" places we hear about in our home town.  More people write to us about experiences at the fort than any other location... we even have reports from less than a month ago (at the time of writing this,) and literally hundreds prior to that.  Most of the reports are about doors opening and closing on their own volition, footsteps heard that "shouldn't be" and did not have a human agent, and indeed, more than a few apparitions.

Now, when I tell people it's "the most reported place" in Toronto, this does not at all guarantee anything.  Hundreds of reports vs. literally millions of visitors... doing a wee bit of math, that's less than a 0.1% chance of experiencing something odd that may defy explanation... but it still makes it the most common spot open to the public.

As with any site, many reports we get from the fort *could* be explained through natural (and/or "man made") events being mistaken... but every so often...

History, as I've occasionally pointed out, may not actually be the best place to start a ghost investigation of any sort, as it may lead one to "pre-determine" an outcome that may not be correct... for example, if I expect to see a woman in the officer's kitchen in Fort York and I see one, I may dive to the notion, especially if it wasn't THAT clear a visual, to assume it's a long gone historical figure... but was it?  Was it an interpreter (living or indeed dead) or perhaps a re-enactor? Maybe you didn't notice that the clothes were odd, but actually just an evening dress and as the fort is home to modern day events where formal attire is often the order of the day, maybe that apparition dates from that?  In other words, "expecting one thing" might lead one to assume ONLY one thing could be expected.

...but then some places lend themselves to history and expectations and it's hard to deny Fort York is not one of them.

...and if we subscribe to a popular causation hypothesis for ghostly things, which is the "DPH" ("dead person hypothesis"... that ghosts are the spirits or some sort of residual left over from a now deceased person,) combined with a tragic scenario, then Historic Fort York is a bell ringer in Toronto.

Home to Canada's largest collection of original War of 1812 buildings (and the oldest "still standing" buildings in the City of Toronto,) the fort was built in 1793 under the direction of Sir John Graves Simcoe (who has a "ghostly" connection outside of Canada himself,) and is the site of a rather nasty (and "home town losing") battle on April 27th, 1813.

Long story as short as possible, (full details are available on a lot of places online - Google is your friend - but if you go to our website. look for the update from April of 2000 when I had a "historic moment", you'll find a reader's digest detail of the battle there...) the Americans landed just West of the fort (near present-day Sunnyside Beach in Toronto,) and pushed the defenders back to the fort. 

Realising he was out manned and outgunned, the British general (Scheaffe) wisely retreated his "real" fighting forced (trained British redcoats) from the Fort towards present-day Pickering... leaving the fort and the city to be protected by a largely untrained militia.  Scheaffe (the actual hero of Queenston Heights, not Brock, sad to say... look it up!) also did not want the fort's cache of gunpowder to fall into the enemies hands, so he did what wasn't uncommon in this situation... lit a long fuse to the powder magazine.

Via Wikipedia/Wikicommons

The militia and a handful of regulars who'd been vainly fighting the Americans from Sunnyside to the fort's gates, saw the Union flag (it's not a "Jack" unless on a ship,) flying and assumed all was well... so did the American forces... and the former went forward for shelter after fierce fighting, the latter to lay siege and take the fort. 

Scheaffe was supposed to, in the "rules of war", lower the flag... to let the soldiers know it was not occupied and best investigated cautiously... but in his haste, neglected to do so... so the powder magazine went up with what is considered the third largest explosion to ever happen in North American history... killing British/Canadian and American soldiers as well... mostly with flying debris and projectiles.  The most famous casualty was the American general leading the attack, General Pike, who was crushed under a falling boulder.

The fort was eventually abandoned by the Americans, re-taken by the British, abandoned to a more gentle American invasion later on, abandoned again, re-taken and fortified by the British, and then, thankfully, peace...

The fort's history continued as a military base for over a century more and was "rebuilt" as a historic site and museum in the 1930's and has remained as such ever since. (As a pedantic side note, if you visit, the "stone walls" around the inside of the fort are not historic... that were built as a "make work" project in the 30's to help combat the great depression...) The site is very interesting, also, as it's now a wee oasis of history literally in a sea of high rise condominiums and an elevated highway. Worthy of a visit no matter what your intentions.

For years, it was not unusual for the fort's buildings to be secured and locked, but the grounds open as a park or green space where people could traverse from Spadina towards the new Fort York armoury and further a bit to the Canadian National Exhibition grounds... and people often strolled through on daily sojourns.

In the early 2000's, I received a note from a woman who's husband saw what he wasn't sure was a ghost, but a fellow who seemed to defy logic and potentially physics.

The husband was walking a dog when he spied a man in a "dark green coat" by a tree near the fort.  He looked at the man, looked away, and true to form, the man vanished seemingly without a trace.  The fellow, being a self-described "sceptic", immediately walked with purpose to the tree, but the man was gone.

Now, later on, I found that the idea of this fellow being a "ghost" from the fort was indeed dismissed by the witness as EVERYONE knows that the militia and soldiers during the War of 1812 were either spanking in red (British) or brilliant in blue (American) so this couldn't be the situation! (British readers should be alerted... although the Sharpe series was big there, it really wasn't all that massively received in Canada so it's unlikely that something from "popular culture" might have swayed his vision of what a soldier might be wearing...)

Via IMUC

To probably a good 90% of the population of this city, this "fact"  (Brits/Canadians = Red, Americans = Blue) is solid... but it isn't a fact.

Below is two examples of gents from The Glengarry Light Infantry Fencibles, who were a Canadian (British) regiment from present-day Ontario who wore uniforms similar to Rifle Regiments battling in Spain, Portugal, and France at the same time and were, indeed, involved in the Battle of York.

Via Warof182.ca and CMHG

...and of course, the "brave York Volunteers" did eventually end up in scarlet uniforms with red facings, but early on...

Via CMHG

...so perhaps it was a soldier.

How did this fellow "find" this particular flavour of soldier?  This wasn't what he "expected"... so does it dismiss the idea of the witness only seeing what he expected or wanted to see?

Staying with the War of 1812 (being the 200th anniversary,) let's look at Fort George in Niagara-on-the-Lake and one of my favourite reports via Kyle Upton through his awesome book and tours as well as speaking to the fellow, Mark, who was the tour guide involved with the actual moment.

Via Wikipedia/Wikicommons

Before heading forward, please note... I will not be giving all the details as the tours and Kyle's book are something everyone should consider attending/buying... They are phenomenally good... but I can give reasonable details and salient points of this one situation at the fort.  Also, to assume this is the ONLY experience at the fort worth discussing would be, in my eyes, like assuming that Albert Einstein is the only scientist in history.

The one story, however, that factors most into this post...

It was a rainy, bleak day and Mark was standing in uniform (he was an interpreter working at the fort,) in the doorway of the main blockhouse.  He was the only person in the building at the time until a woman and her young son ran in from the rain.

The boy was, as all young boys are, all over the place... exploring, running about, checking things out.  The woman did the traditional thing of making polite conversation and asking the usual retinue of questions about the fort, the building, Mark's uniform, et al...

The boy, who'd run upstairs, came down and asked Mark about the "man upstairs".

Mark explained they were alone, but the boy insisted...

In Mark's own words, and knowing he was the only person in the building, he assumed that since it was a very young man that this gent "upstairs" was likely accompanied by an imaginary dinosaur or the like... so he humoured him and asked "what" about this fellow and what did he look like.

The boy said he was in a similar uniform to Mark's, but it was red... with green facings... not the blue facings Mark had... and apparently, the man was very sad and wondering where his friends had gone.

The mother then said they'd spent enough time, wished Mark a good day, and moved on in the rain to the next building.

Mark, with apprehension, did look upstairs, and found nothing.

Like the report above, the young man had correctly identified the uniform of a regiment posted at the fort during the war, but not one the boy would have seen at the fort itself at the time.  Also, the centre blockhouse is home to one of the fort's more notable residents named "Irving" who was thought to be responsible for much poltergeist activity.

Had Irving now been "seen"? Again, did something prompt the boy to know what the uniform might have been and why that was important, or did he just "see" him?

I leave this all up to you, dear reader, but a couple of things to note...

Both the above reports happened during the day... so the whole, "Lights OUT! Spooky time!" nonsense is shown for what it is.

...and do these cases, and cases like this, put a damper on ghostly experiences "created" by the witness?

I did point out with the "green jackets" that fans of the Sharpe series are used to the notion of the "brave green jacketed Napoleonic soldier"... and is it possible the fellow had seen and ad or the like and was simply unaware of knowing this possibility, but his subconscious kicked it in for his vision?

How about the young boy?  Could he have seen a book in the gift shop?  Maybe a museum display Mark was unaware of?  Was he somewhat "primed" for his vision?

I have NO doubt that these experiences happened to the witnesses as they report them... as to why, that's why I'm in this study.

On a related note, our one site, Torontoghosts, is a kind of online grandfather here in the province as it has been around since 1997... and yes, although I always demure at most "claims to fame", even The City of Toronto recognise us as at least an authority and most people interested in the subject have found our site... so indeed, with rare exceptions, we usually hear about most of the "known haunts" of the town... so when a "reportedly haunted" site appears out of nowhere that a ghost hunter or the like claims is now unbelievably haunted... and yet we have few or even no reports... and none come in after their tours or articles or media appearances, we have the one question about whether that site *was* ever haunted...

...and why, if people CAN be primed to have experiences and fed ideas that will even kick over either a latent psi situation or even a hallucination, has no one come to us since the site's fame.  Casa Loma and the above mentioned CNE (which I have blogged about,) are two examples... no massive influx of "new reports"... and in the latter case, none reported at all since the ghost tours. (Yup, not even as of THIS date.)

This situation is important to the idea that ghost sightings are not necessarily prompted by images in popular media and/or that people cannot be pushed into an experience because someone has told them that the place they are in must (or at least should) give them that experience.

Combined with the two reports from the forts above (although there are others, I picked those as they fit the model of this post and it being the bi-centennial of the war,) one wonders... is it really "all in our heads"...?  Like a subliminal message, can ghosts be forced upon us through our own minds?

Looking at these cases, it doesn't seem like it...

...and that's, in an odd way, very exciting!

This said, while out and about this Hallowe'en season, and taking in the sites and sights... stop for a moment and think... perhaps that odd dressed person you didn't expect to see isn't there... in the corporeal sense.

Happiest of Hallowe'ens from Sue and meself to you!

* - "Final" only in terms of us right now... I'm sure/hoping other's will add as the days and months go on...

This is probably our last post before Halloween... so HAPPY HALLOWEEN/HALLOWE'EN/ALL HOLLOWS EVE/SAMHAIN one and all from Sue and meself!

Yes, we did this before... but this is the newer list complete with suggestions and additions from our Facebook group as well as a few of my own that sprung to mind.

IF you were wondering how to know if the paranormal investigators or group you're looking at/reading about/hearing on the radio/watching on TV/anything is a <SARCASM>Truly Awesome </SARCASM> group, have a look at the list below... and see how many of these things you can check off as being related to them.

The more they match these points, the more <SARCASM>Truly Awesome </SARCASM> they have to be!

So, without further adieu, here's the list of things to watch for from <SARCASM>Truly Awesome </SARCASM> paranormal investigators and groups!

Here are the (Slightly Edited and Cleaned-Up) Originals --

They Be Ghosthunters! You can tell by their uniform!

The entire team dresses identically in some form of quasi-uniform.

 

"When I add the gothic tune, the networks will be banging at my door!!!"

Their YouTube videos contain complete musical scoring and a three minute intro with credits and only thirty seconds of actual content which is usually, at best, questionable.

"...which is our scientific method for using our equipment... or playing tic-tac-toe... one of the two."

They claim they are "scientific" because they are using "scientific" equipment like EM meters, yet don't understand how to use the instruments properly nor understand the hypothesis behind even using them.

Of COURSE we're serious!

They say they are serious about the study, yet liberally use references to the comedic movie "Ghost Busters" and/or "Scooby Doo" and/or they still or continue to have cheeseball Halloween images on their websites or other online presence.

Everyone knows that poltergeists are caused by dead pre-teen angst filled Saquatches. It's a known fact!

They mistake personal or pop-culture belief for untested hypothesis which they mistakenly call theory which they treat as fact.

"...d-d-d-d-d-did you... wuh-wuh-wuh-was that you... who... farted?"

The high point of their day is being able to exclaim, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?!"

"Let me tell you EVERYTHING about what no one knows about."

They say they're studying the unknown, yet seemingly know all about it.

A ghost group only on Pinger? Awesome!

Their main web presence is only via Facebook, Blogger, or worse, MySpace.

Doesn't he seem willing to discuss your different hypothesis to his own?

They are here to answer questions, not to be asked questions or challenged.

"Here, let me help you with ALL your answers to the veracity of my data."

The ghost photos and EVP they post are open to interpretation... provided your interpretation matches their own to a large degree.

"So, if we dress the pig in pink, it will turn gay... but that's okay. I'm good! Let's use the EM meter as a Magic 8-ball now!"

They appear to think that "Jersey Shore" was a documentary.

SUPAH-STAH!

Their web presence lists "media" credits or "media" contact ahead of anything else... like content or work... because THAT'S what's important and what will prove they are great at their work.

After today, there are no ghosts. Didn't you know that?

For them, there is a "ghost season" which starts when they're bored in late Spring ends usually sometime after Halloween... or in other words, their interest wanes when the media is less likely to be calling, the chance to make potential money from punters is weaker, and/or their friends and family are less likely to care about their "cool" investigations and hunts.

NEW and IMPROVED SPR with it's SECRET INGREDIENT - CAMBRIDGE POWER!

They probably think The SPR is either a spray lubricant or cleaner available at most hardware stores.

...if only it could be a smoking, animated skull...

Their website, if they have one, is a callback to Geocities/Angelfire in the late nineties... loads of embedded music, sounds, and animated images that can crash most browsers.

"THIS ISN'T BLACK!!! Take it back... but leave the "ECTO2" license plates."

One of their goals is to own either a "team" hearse or classic ambulance because that would be cool.

USE IT.

They are self proclaimed parapsychologists who can't properly define that term and assume its synonymous with "ghost hunter".

Tonnes of ghosties here... if they come here... and say so.

They have the ability to find ghosts in places no one has ever found, reported, experienced, and documented a "ghostly" event before they visited... quite literally, they find things where for hundred of years (or more) *no one else* has had an experience because they are just that lucky or psychic.

TEAM PHOTO TIME... again.

They have more pictures of themselves or their team members on their website than anything other images.

Volume 517 - Proper Use of Ion Detectors and Toilet Snake Usage

They're immensely proud of their library which consists of the finest books written by (or for) their favourite television para-celebrities.

Rate My Fraidy-Poop!

They rate their "cases" on a scale that includes the word "scary' and may contain a scatological or urological references.

Badges are cool... See?

They have official ID badges that took longer to design, print, and build then it took to build their entire web presence.

He's all sciency and stuff and proved that ghosts are alien bigfeet with MATH!

They say that quantum mechanics answers or potentially proves that the paranormal exists... but can't tell you how or why... and think Niels Bohr is a type of drill bit.

"I think your data is flawed when compared to the gold standard... aka: my data."

They call themselves sceptics because they only believe their unknown things are actually unknown and potentially 'paranormal' in nature... Yours, however, are open to strong doubt.

"I'm just going to take this work and come up with it ALL ON MY OWN because it's MINE!"

They are consistently 100% original and have amazing minds that come up with amazing notes and ideas without references or any outside sources or any other thing that may have triggered their work... ever.

"Crap gang! I think we just ran over the ghost!"

When reading about their investigations, there's more information about the drive to the site and team dynamics then the actual investigation.

Building My First EM Meter...

Their noted "years in the field" or of being "interested in the study" would, with a wee bit of math, mean they were either extraordinarily young children (potentially toddlers) when they started their efforts... yet rarely have much actual content and work to show for their prodigal youth.

This is just Glinda The Good Witch, you know...

They acknowledge "orb photos" are not ghosts... except for their own orb photos which quite obviously are.

I photographed the WORLD'S BIGGEST GHOST on one cool Summer morning!

{On the above note about "orbs", substitute the word "orb" with "mist" or "ectoplasm" for another item...}

"No, no... this is all about YOU! Now, what can YOU do for my fame?"

They're already working on their new independently made TV show about their exciting work and need your home/story... to help you, of course, not for themselves or their own ego or machinations.

"It's all about me."

Everything is a demon or related to demon-like stuff.

Everyone knows that ghosts ONLY come out in this kind of scenario... I saw it on TLC!

They honestly seem to believe that you can only do an investigation at night and even buy into the idea that there's any generically specific time for "paranormal things" to be active... that somehow ghosts are incapably of being diurnal... witness/experients evidence and sightings to the contrary.

An action figure of me en route to a ghost investigation.

They "wear" flashlights or cameras even when they don't need them.

See? There's a ghost in there! See!?!

They still buy into "white noise" to "help" with EVP collection.

The seed of a ghost...

They refer to themselves as investigators and researchers with "open minds" but only subscribe to the DPH (Dead Person Hypothesis) in terms of what a ghost could be.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!

They're psychics and/or mediums on their team are flawless and never wrong or even slightly incorrect and their data does not need spot-checking... or if it does, facts can be bent/manipulated to fit the information just in case.

You know they're brilliant investigators/researchers when the above if their only credential... I mean, what else do you need???

Their only study references can be found solely in the IMDB.

...and the NEW ADDITIONS from our FACEBOOK group!

"I think the local history books are under the spirituality section, right?"

They have historians on their team that might have been to the library or at least know whereabouts the library can be found... but probably not. {Hat Tip to John S}

Tunnels... they either have Mafia connections, or they're haunted... oh hell, they're both.

They have a fascination with abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and especially tunnels regardless if there's an existing report of experiences in them or not.  {Hat Tip to John S}

"Only THAT much? Well, I'll get a second mortgage! After all, it'll be a COOL collectors thing soon!"

They have Cafe Press stores with oodles of paranormal merchandise that retails at exorbitantly high prices because its bound to be a collector's item someday. {Hat Tip to John S}

Did we mention, USE IT!

They use words like vortex or matrix incorrectly. {Hat Tip to Stu F}

"I'm not hunting ghosts! I'm on a ghost hunt! Totally different thing!"

They denounce the term "ghost hunter" but spend their time hunting ghosts. {Hat Tip to Heather M}

"There! In the first three hits... in the preview... so it MUST be true!"

They seem to assume simply using Google is actual research. {Hat Tip to Heather M}

"EM SPIKE! EM SPIKE! EM SP... oh, dang... I just soiled myself."

They use an EM field detector, add the disclaimer that "some people" feel that ghosts give off an electro magnetic field borderline dismissively, and then when it goes off get all giddy like a 50's bobbysoxer at a malt shop when a boy smiles at her. {Hat Tip to Darren B}

"WE'RE HUNTIN' AND MEETIN' AND FAMOOSE! LOOK AT US! LOOK!!!! LOOK, DAMN YOU!"

They announce all team meetings (and investigations) publicly so that we all know they are working hard at hunting ghosts. {Hat Tip to Heather M}

I bet she gets great reception with those things.

They have hot female investigators that really don't do anything but hang out and get scared. {Hat Tip to Catherine G}

"Yeah, me again... and yeah, I'm kinda aiming at them."

They claim they have been targeted by a "demonic" entity. {Hat Tip to Catherine G}

BONGO'S HURT, damn you... damn your eyes...

They know Lorraine Warren " personally". {Hat Tip to Catherine G}

"The car's haunted... no the building in the back... no, both of them! QUICK! Ask if we can go in and prove what we just said!"

They contact historic sites, businesses, and the like to let them come in and "investigate", not because they know of any witness experiences at these places previous to this contact, but because they are simply old and therefore *must* be haunted. {Hat Tip to Heather M}

"...and then I breathed out in the cold air with the camera right in front of my eyes and got this enormous ghost which HAS to be real because I see a face and it looks JUST like the REAL GHOST pictured a few items above."

They have posted misty or breathy pictures on their Facebook page and claim it's ectoplasm. {Hat Tip to Chederella S}

"What can I say? I get around... and have a lot of friends locally!"

They claim to have "personally investigated" thousands of cases of "demonic manifestations" in what appears to be a very tiny geographical location, despite the fact that the church itself does not make such claims. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"I have a Ph.D in Parapsyghosthunting from Hamburger U!"

Any claims they make to legitimate certification or academic/professional credentials do not stand up to any scrutiny. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

Wow! She said that loud... and often! It MUST be true! (Fox News tries to work this way...)

They seem to have a motto of, "If you say something often enough and loud enough, it will become true regardless of veracity." {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"Help fund my project... where I spotlight idio... I mean, witnesses experience and run about saying 'What The Hell Was That?' to the camera in the dark. It's a good cause and a sure-fire recipe for $ucce$$!"

They have an IndieGoGo/Kickstarter (or the like) campaign with $5 in donations towards their $20,000 goal to be ultra famous and make their own TV show pilot. {Hat Tip to John S}

Kitteh give kibble for help with demon kitteh didn't know she had before being 'helped' by strange people.

They seem to feel fear mongering is a good "business" model to drum up opportunities. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"Yeah, well the reason you don't believe I have a ghost haunting my pants is that YOU'RE A SCEPTIC!"

When questioned about any of their thoughts, work, or ideas, will respond by simply pointing fingers and claiming you are obviously a skeptic. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"Would I lie... to you?"

They claim 90% of the time you have success rate of 70% for "clearing homes". {Hat Tip to Darren B}

"Yeah, like I have a B.A. with a major in English and that's a real ghost photo. Seriously! I went to university!"

They display verified photos of authenticity using "university scientists". {Hat Tip to John S}

HEY! So, he might be lying, but at least THIS expert is real!

Any expert, academic, or authority they use has no name nor department/office when they are asked for information for verification purposes. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

With the right hammer, any piece will fit my puzzles.

They will creat a history to fit their hypothesis and claim it's 'well known' despite never being documented previously. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

Wow! They said they were awesome and they said everyone loves them! They must be GREAT!"

They seem to feel that alerting you to the fact that they are the largest or 'most popular' group or site makes them somehow better at the study. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

...but does it get Blogtalk?

They have a radio show... which ends up being only a BlogTalk Radio or Podcast only and not actually legitimate terrestrial or even satellite radio. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"This is great! We're ALL together! I'm in charge, mind you... and that guy, yeah, that one? BAD B.O. so he's out of the circle shortly... and you have a weird eyeball... and you listen to Doors albums... and you like Star Wars more than Star Trek... and..."

They say they wish to have 'Paranormal Unity' amongst other's in the field, although they seemingly mean to say they wish everyone to be their sycophantic, unquestioning follower who will never bring into doubt their work or thoughts. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"Hang on, I'm squeezing out a new acronym..."

They have an unoriginal yet somewhat questionable acronyms, such as "C.R.A.P.S", "F.A.P.S", or the like.  {Hat Tip to Justin W}

"Yeah, this was all my idea... so they can tell RevCan that I made them do it. No problems!"

They say that they are non-profit though not registered, then they do fundraisers for 'good causes', but use funds from these events to buy new ghost hunting equipment, while dodging paying taxes. {Hat Tip to John S}

I am film maker. I haz camera. I left lens cap on.

They videotape/video record most of their activities which obviously makes them filmakers. {Hat Tip to Our Own Sue!}

"You KNOW you can trust us! Look at these people we pay to be our friend! Look at the old chewing gum on their star!"

They link their name to a group that has a syndicated television show in an attempt to leech from their 'fame' and 'reputation'. {Hat Tip to Heather M}

World's Most Haunted because F%ck Yeah! America!

They have lists of most haunted places in the world which are entirely American-centric and use websites from the late 90s as references... and include known hoax sites as legitimate. {Hat Tip Stu F}

"Crap! Cover that window! It's too bright to see in here!"

They spend thousands of dollars of fancy cameras to see in the dark just so you can say "okay, let's go lights out". {Hat Tip to Darren B}

"The scientific method is as follows. Question. Statement. My Statement. My Statement is Right. I play with cool gadgets. See? Perfect method!"

They say they use science... but seemingly don't understand the scientific method. {An addition from myself...}

She's hiding a tape recorder for EVP capture in her bustier.

Despite enormous evidence to the contrary, they still believe cemeteries at night are hot beds of paranormal activity that they investigate... or, more realistically, visit to do 'cool' photo and video shoots at to show how cool and brave they are. {An addition from myself...}

"It's like a magic success maker! Just do this formula and you'll earn enough to buy friends and be famous!"

They believe that regurgitating the reality television formula of filming them at their exciting investigations and showing their scientific and/or psychical abilities (or as we call it, "Wash, Rinse, Repeat",) will be riveting to the masses and a sure-fire recipe for fame, fortune, and friends. {An addition from myself...}

"My real dream is that one day, you'll find someone elses history and culture to crap on in a weak attempt to scare people."

They find or know of more native/aboriginal/first nations sacred burial grounds* then most native/aboriginal/first nations people... and all of them are cursed in some fashion. {An addition from myself...}

* - ...and/or ancient ley lines.

OCTOBER 22nd 2012 ADDITION (from Matthew again...)

 

Everything they are involved with is labeled/titled/described as either "The Most..." or "The Famous...".

 

OCTOBER 26th 2012 ADDITION (from Matthew again...)

 
Their home/business/workplace/favourite pub or hang-out (or usually all of those places,) is OF COURSE and very conveniently massively haunted... even if there wasn't a single report prior to them "finding" or visiting the spot.

I hope this list is useful... and you enjoyed it... and we entreat EVERYONE to share it and consider adding to it... and yes, of course, if you wanted to say... oh, I don't know, add in a bit about pedantic pompous weenies who make lists like this, that's cool... I'd be a complete ninny if I could dish it out without taking it!

...just BE HONEST and it's all good!

People grab then apply many paintbrushes to me... and some bother me more than others, and bring out a passion.  One of them is so tiny on the grand stage of things, you'd almost wonder why I makes me so depressed...

It's not those people that somehow think I've made a fortune doing these studies or that I'm planning to in some way...

It's not those that WEIRDLY think I'm looking to start a teevee show or the like...

It isn't even the "so-called" sceptics (read: Evangelical Non-Believers) who think somehow everything I'm involved with is a fraud or hoax...

Nope...

It's all about words.

Now, NOT "Matrixing" which I have ranted about earlier... as that term is (finally) THANKFULLY dying a reasonably rapid death with the slowed ratings of a particular reality-ish television show.

No, the word that get's me into trouble is "energy"...

...and I know the trouble is just a case of me not being able to communicate my thoughts well.

I do *not* have a problem at all with people that witness or experience something and call it an "energy"... but as an investigator/researcher, I do try very hard to qualify that experience. I ask questions like...

"Like static electricity?"
"Do you feel a pressure?"
"Does it make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end?"

...and one's like that.

This is not me questioning the witnesses integrity or leading into any sort of "debunking" based on someone's inability to articulate the exact sensation.

It has quite literally everything to do with two things...

One is to try and frame the experience where not only myself, but others who either have never experienced this "energy" can understand it, or so that people that might have and didn't know what to call it might see the description and say, "Oh! That's what I felt! I'm not alone then!"

The other is because, as stated in a post before, the "Holy Grail" of this study would be to find some sort of measurable experience that repeats and find a pattern and a way to measure it... and *if* that energy could be quantified, that would go a long way to moving from the outskirts or a study to a nuts-and-bolts natural study... and go a LONG way to removing a piece of the unknown and hopefully understanding it.

Energy can be measured... but "emotive energy" cannot really at the moment... other than in physiological sense (blood pressure et al)... so I admit, I get excited at the idea of a "true" energy (not saying that 'psychical energy' is NOT true, perhaps 'known' energy would be better? Perhaps 'measurable' energy?) could be at play.

Energy is needed for pretty much everything... after all, you can't push an atom about with energy.

So, looking at poltergeists that pitch things about... something is causing these items to move about and that something HAS to be an energy... whether it's the physical energy of moving a physical arm to launch something, gravitational energy to drop something, the kinetic energy of something already in motion... energy is at work.

Sounds? What makes the particles in the air vibrate? Energy...

Light... be it absorbed or reflected?

...even data transfer on any level, energy is at play!

I can measure almost every form of "energy"... but we're still working on psychical energy.

So, again, an experient can absolutely use the word "energy" to define something without further clarification if that's the case...

...but...

...a researcher and investigator *should* try to qualify it and quantify it in my opinion. (...and the key words are, "my opinion"... not "the law"!)

Think of it this way...

Imagine going to the doctors and they say, "We found a swollen bump on your upper arm that when you touch it, it makes a shooting pain that goes to your hand." and that's it. Okay?

No, you'd probably want to know more... after all, the doctor is someone who's suppose to take the bit above (a symptom) and work to give you a potential answer... "You have a raised bruise from being bumped somehow on your upper arm which has caused the nerve to be slightly damaged and tender causing the pain that goes from the bump to your hand."

In both "bumpy arm" scenarios above, the cause of the bump is unknown, but the known has been brought to light.

A "normal" person, the top bit  (about the bump and the shooting pain,) is perfect!

A person who is "qualified" or "qualified themselves" should strive for the latter bit above and as full an answer as possible to help the understanding of the entire process involved.

Now, this isn't to say that 24x7, anyone who says they're a researcher/investigator MUST NEVER EVER EVER IN A MONTH OF SUNDAYS UNDER NO SITUATION use the word "energy" to describe something... but it greatly depends on the context of the presentation in my opinion. (There's that word "opinion" again!)

I'm a computer technician... People frequently come to me and tell me their computer is "slow".

99.9% of the time, here are the answers after I rectify the problem...

To The Person That Brought Me The Computer:  "I ran some scans, got rid of some stuff you didn't need running, cleaned up the hard disk, found a virus, but killed it... Seems to be running well now!"

To a Computer Colleague: "I ran a couple of scanners and found some malware, some pre-loaded but not being used toolbars and enhancement utilities loading on startup and killed them. got rid of a rootkit, cleaned the temp files, ran a disk clean and a defrag... it's running normally now."

For probably 50% of the people reading this, a little bit from "Column A" and a little bit from "Column B" is the perfect answer...

For about 25% of you, the top answer that didn't have details is fine. It's pretty much COMPUTER BROKEN -> TAKE TO MATTHEW -> COMPUTER FIXED -> I HAS A HAPPY

For the other 25% of you, you'd want to know which rootkit did I find? What scanners did I run?  How bad was the hard disk in terms of fragmentation and temp files?

ALL THREE above are fine...

...but professionally, I have to play to the latter, and simply be mindful of the former.

With the former, I can be a bit glib and not sweat the details.

With the latter, I need those details to look like I have a clue as to what I'm doing.

Now, I can see this being misread... and no, I don't mean saying, "I felt an energy!" is an indication you don't know what you're doing... but to me and your colleagues, it may only be half the information that would benefit us.

To the person just enjoying your story or listening to your report, it's cool...

To many of us looking into things, crossing our T's and dotting our I's, it's not enough... and a little clarification is needed.... that's all.

One last attempt to explain...

"I saw a purple car!"

Is that enough for you to know fairly well what I saw?

I mean, "purple car"! What else is there to say... I mean, I could now find that car, right?

Probably not, unless I tell you...

Where was the car?
Was it parked?
Was it old or new?
Was someone in the car?
Was it two doors or four doors?
What make was it?
Did it have any scratches or bumps?
Did it have any stickers or decoration?

With that information, you might find the car... and if you were looking for that car, I hope you would ask these questions.

Probably 75% of the 'normal people' could give you those answers...

...but what if it was a parking authority or a mechanic saying only that "They Saw a Purple Car"?

If you were looking for a car, and a mechanic said, "I saw a purple car!" and when you asked for any details and they said, "I don't know. I guess you had to be there...", what would you think?

Sometimes, however, THAT IS THE ANSWER... "I don't know...", and that's perfectly acceptable... but I'd want to know from the mechanic why they don't know... and why I can't know... and maybe what he COULD tell me about the purple car.

I am *not* denying the fact that he's seen a purple car... but here's a thought...

Would you fault someone who did assume that maybe he didn't exactly see this car... due to lack of information?

Myself? Maybe... but not entirely... and I would never countenance someone being mean about that doubt, but a mechanic SHOULD be able to give me more details then "seeing a purple car"... even if it's only the "where" and "what were you doing" aspects of the sighting.

Next thing is, as a mechanic, if you seriously can only say, "I've seen a purple car."... and can give no more information... would you be mad if someone pointed out that the information is incomplete and if it was vital for a study or case, at best it's a footnote in the data?

"I was driving on Main Street and saw a purple car turn left, but it was so fast, I didn't get a make or anything... no details."

The statement is now qualified... and that's the information I, as someone looking for a purple car, needs.  It's not all, but it helps... and the witness has let us know that they did have an experience and this is the amount they can share...

Back on topic...

"There's an energy in this room..."

Okay... should I not be allowed to probe because, in all honesty, I *am* very interested in trying to qualify and eventually quantify this potential energy?

If a researcher or investigator said that the reason for 'X' was that the "room was full of energy" and never elaborated beyond this, are you satisfied?  Is it enough information?

HONESTLY, to some, it might be...

...but to others... especially, maybe those that haven't experience the energy... or those that are hoping to map and measure it...

What if I've never seen a car... or the colour purple... would you, a mechanic, help me understand it?  Give me references?  If you can't, would you at least acknowledge that and let me know why you can't?

...or must I simply accept, without any argument or help that despite not knowing what it is at all, that purple car was in your line of sights, and don't argue... because that is it.

If I did, I would be a very poor investigator/researcher in my own eyes.

This now all said, in my opinion again, if you (as an investigator/researcher) submitted an article or report with something like, "The place was full of energy" and nothing else, I ask and beg the right to ask that the energy be qualified... that's all...

...because if it was "static electricity", they I can measure it...

...or, considering the amount of information now at hand to say this is NOT the case, if it's somehow electro-magnetic energy, then I have a new paper to write.

If it can't be quantified like this, please describe it... and realise that it may not be "energy", but something else... and the word is merely descriptive.

"Like an energy"

"Felt some sort of energy like..."

"There was a strange almost emotional pressure one could feel..."

AGAIN, this is only for researchers and investigators!

I do not expect people who aren't car enthusiasts or mechanics to be able to tell me much more than they saw a purple car... and I don't fault them for that...

I would, however, want that car enthusiast and/or mechanic to give me more and complete data... or at least, a reasonable explanation of "why not".

So "energy" is a fine word... I have no problems with it as a descriptive word or even a quantitative word....

...but yeah, and no offence intended whatsoever... I may have questions (and not because I doubt you,) if that's okay.

T'is All Hallow's Eve Time... and I could go on and on about the usual media mayhem, but I've done that already and YES, it has continued as expected. (Oh, and Ryerson media students... yes, your classmates have contacted us already and no, we're not available... even a little... no matter where we "might be published in".)

No, I have ranted enough about media for a while... now it's time to become EVIL and MEAN and ROTTEN and HORRIBLE...

...and hopefully, funny.

What I'm about to do is the antithesis of those "You Know You're a Ghost Hunter" meme-lists and do something a little different...

As stated, the media is already starting with the usual "Ghostly Spooky Hauntedy Scaredy Boo! Boo! Boo!" nonsense, and I've noticed some trends amongst those they are interviewing... and I thought, "Hey! I'm gonna posts those thoughts and let others add to them!" Yup, it's a list and I welcome ANYONE and EVERYONE to add their ideas in the comments section... because THIS is THE LIST of thing to let you know...

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE DEALING WITH A TRULY AWESOME (sarcasm intentional) PARANORMAL OR GHOST HUNTING GROUP!

 

The entire team dresses identically in some form of quasi-uniform

Their YouTube videos contain complete musical scoring and a three minute intro with credits and only thirty seconds if actual content which is usually, at best, questionable.

They claim they are "scientific" because they are using "scientific" equipment like EM meters, yet don't understand how to use the instruments properly nor understand the hypothesis behind even using them.

They say they are serious about the study, yet liberally use references to the comedic movie "Ghost Busters"and/or "Scooby Doo" and/or they still or continue to use cheeseball Halloween images on their web sites.

They mistake personal or pop-culture belief for untested hypothesis which they mistakenly call theory which they treat as fact.

The high point of their day is being able to exclaim, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?!"

They say they're studying the unknown, yet seemingly know all about it.

Their main web presence is only via Facebook, Blogger, or worse, MySpace.

They are here to answer questions, not to be asked questions or challenged.

The ghost photos and EVP they post are open to interpretation... provided your interpretation matches their own to a large degree.

They believe that "Jersey Shore" was a documentary.

Their web presence lists "media" credits or  "media"contact ahead of anything else... like content or work.

For them, there is a "ghost season" which starts when they're bored in late Spring ends usually sometime after Halloween... or in other words, their interest wanes when the media is less likely to be calling, the chance to make potential money from punters is weaker, and/or their friends and family are less likely to care about their "cool" investigations and hunts.

They probably think The SPR is either a spray lubricant or cleaner available at most hardware stores.

Their website, if they have one, is a callback to Geocities/Angelfire in the late nineties... loads of embedded music, sounds, and animated images that can crash most browsers.

One of their goals is to own either a "team" hearse or classic ambulance because that would be cool.

They are self proclaimed parapsychologists who can't properly define that term and assume its synonymous with "ghost hunter".

They have the ability to find ghosts in places no one has ever found, reported, experienced, and documented a "ghostly" event before they visited... quite literally, they find things where for hundred of years (or more) *no one else* has had an experience because they are just that lucky or something.

They have more pictures of themselves or their team members on their website than anything other images.

They're immensely proud of their library which consists of the finest books written by (or for) their favourite television para-celebrity.

They rate their "cases" on a scale that includes the word "scary' and may contain a scatological or urological references.

They say that quantum mechanics answers or potentially proves that the paranormal exists... but can't tell you how or why... and think Niels Bohr is a type of drill bit.

They call themselves sceptics because they only believe their unknown things are actually unknown... Your's, however, are open to strong doubt.

They are consistently 100% original and have amazing minds that come up with amazing notes and ideas without references or any outside sources or any other thing that may have triggered their work... ever.

When reading about their investigations, there's more information about the drive to the site and team dynamics then the actual investigation.

Their noted "years in the field" or of being "interested in the study" would, with a wee bit of math, mean they were either extraordinarily young children (potentially toddlers) when they started their efforts... yet rarely have much actual content and work to show for their prodigal youth.

They acknowledge "orb photos" are not ghosts... except for their own orb photos which quite obviously are.

They're working on their new independently made TV show about their exciting work.

Everything is a demon.

They honestly seem to believe that you can only do an investigation at night and even buy into the idea that there's any generically specific time for "paranormal things" to be active... that somehow ghosts are incapably of being diurnal... evidence and sightings to the contrary.

They "wear" flashlights or cameras even when they don't need them.

They still buy into "white noise" to "help" with EVP collection.

They refer to themselves as investigators and researchers with "open minds" but only subscribe to the DPH (Dead Person Hypothesis) in terms of what a ghost could be.

They're psychics and/or mediums on their team are flawless and never wrong or even slightly incorrect and their data does not need spot-checking.

Their only study references can be found solely in the IMDB.

They have official ID badges.

So, that's all I have... so far... but feel free, ADD in the comments! Let's light this candle!

...and I have a thick skin and accept all "pompous pedantic loud buffonish arrogant clod" comments about any OTHER paranormal folks you wish to skewer!  This is for and about anyone!

So... what do you have to add to this list?